I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
