Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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