his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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