Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
