so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
