hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you mean i was at the winter classic?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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