next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
