I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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