Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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