She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
