the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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