I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
