We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
