so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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