I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
