I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
