how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
