So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
