Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
