Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
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I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
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i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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