from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
