Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I am mentally ready for anal.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
