VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
