Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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