No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
