this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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