Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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