drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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