she was so not down for the gang bang
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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