I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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