I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I need a beard to bite.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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