Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
