he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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