If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
