just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
