i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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