we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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