WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
