so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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