Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
