Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
