Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
