This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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