Can i not drive my cunt home
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
