I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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