I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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