you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
