White coat. Heels.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
