Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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