i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
