But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
That accounts for only three of the penises
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
