i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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