I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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