how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
