I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
