So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
