when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
