did you get engaged???
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
