i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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