Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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