I love black thongs
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
