I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
